I tend not to think about "The Demise of Rush" or "The Last Tour From Rivendale" or the "End of the Federation Occupation." Rather, I plunge energy and resources into something I like - maybe like an investment - and hope it comes back in black in the future. And if it doesn't, seeing multiple shows, documenting tours and taking photos and writing assures me the Making Memories part ensures my psyche can look back when I'm an old codger with spit dripping down my chin in a rocking chair on the porch or at the nursing home hooked up to a respirator and say, "You know, I did everything I could to be as involved as I could, and soon, we'll all be dead and gone, six feet under, and I saw shows on two continents, three countries and countless major U.S. cities." And maybe leave something behind, something online, or a t-shirt that one of my nieces and nephews will wear and show off in some futuristic Subdivision or in their High School Halls that continues to pique interest in or contribute to fans' enjoyment visually or in writing of the works of Rush.

The dreaded "This is the last tour!" cry or "This might be the last time they tour!" or "That will be their last live gig of all time!" type of feeling or approach is a bit annoying to me. The band as a group has enough Freewill to do as they please when they please and they do a good job of this. The words, music, message and performance in person is all a gift, so we pay the Big Money $100 for each ticket and $50 for a t-shirt and they have provided a service for which I have paid. And to me, it's the best customer service on the market when it's on sale. It's not like some dingbat trying to serve up a Big Mac combo with a vanilla shake at Micky-D's, it's Rush. Sometimes supply does not meet demand...but that's how it all works. Seeing the band multiple times during a tour satisfies my demand and the supply is plentiful when it's in season.

We all know that models get discontinued, replaced, absorbed into something else or disappear altogether and get hard to find or archived onto something like punched computer tape or scrawled onto an Egyption tablet, preserved in a pyramid somewhere in the sands of time for 2000 years. For me, my online ventures and collection of t-shirts represent my storage. How long it gets preserved depends on the media, I suppose, and the person in charge of the data. Rush has their data and I have mine. My friends have data and we share, lament and exhault over it all from time to time. Sometimes it all blends together and comes as Le Tour Du Rush and this is a good thing. And we are all supposedly happy.

There are many inter-relationships in regards to the whole Rush thing, as you can see. And that is true Beneath, Between and Behind for the band members as well. That's their business and I don't want anything to do with it, and I don't spend any time or thoughts, really, about their relationships and how it will affect my enjoyment of the creations they give. How the hell do I know what is going on in their lives by looking at the way a band member looks or plays on stage for a night or for a tour? Well, the answer is I don't, and it's none of my damn business. I'm a moody son of a bitch sometimes myself, I have a good night, I have a bad night, some days I want to sleep in and not go to work, others I don't ever want to leave work. You get the picture. What they do is work. Neil's books are his work. And who am I to say what his work is all about or whether or not he will show up to work tomorrow. I'm not his boss.

If you want an opinion, I'll give a little bit. It is interesting that Neil has been isolated back behind Geddy and Alex at his kit for his entire career, and whether this has some deep psychological, Freduian psychosexual or socio-economic effect on his masculinity or feeling of adequacy or some transcendental meaning, only he can tell me and I will only believe it coming from his mouth. But physically speaking, where else could he be?? Maybe he should move the kit closer to the front of the stage and make Geddy and Alex play in back for a couple of nights!

However, I think he likes being right where he is. There are many times where I kind of kick back away from the scene, feeling vastly superior to other human beings, and just watch the stupidity of time and humanity (Time and Motin) go by from a distance. I think maybe I share this connection with Neil, at times I tend to like being devoutly independent and left the hell alone. As a writer and creator and an expressionist, he and I would probably hit it off pretty well.

I view Neil like this somehow. As an independent thinker and master creator, the 500GH processing chip, if you will. I see Alex and Geddy like printer drivers or video cards or hard drives side by side, when given information it gets integrated into their circuitry and spat out refined and loud, so all three have done what they need to do to satisfy the others, and hopefully, themselves. They three think, create, tour...it's their programming language 1-001-001-SOS. It's what they do. And when they do it is their business, literally and figuratively. So that's my opinion. Got milk?

Instead of guessing when the Last Supper will be, I guess at set lists, look at the hits on my web pages, jam to the music, update the pages and hope to see them visit my neighborhood sometime again because they are always welcome here. Not that I'm their personal ambassador or the Rock and Roll Mayor with the key to the city, but because I WANT them to be here. I'll PAY them to be here. I'll CHEER them when they come and I'll PROMOTE them and DISTRIBUTE the message and spread my happiness after they are gone. That's because that's what I want to do, and I recognize that maybe sometimes they might not actually want me to do these things (or know that I'm doing it) because they don't know me or like my approach, right? They could care less about me and what I do. So sometimes I guess, sometimes I travel to see them and sometimes I Freeze and ask myself what the hell am I doing? Taking care of this website (especially that) is like having a second job - it takes hours and hours per week to maintain. I've probably invested well over $50,000 since, oh, about 1982 for everything involving my own enjoyment of the band, and that's a nice down payment on a house. I spent over $4,000.00 during Test for Echo alone and about $1,500.00 on VT. But that is what I have CHOSEN to do. They are not forcing me to do this. I am my own prisoner.

Recognize please that none of my activities or pusuits or thoughts in the matter of Rush vs. Jman2112 actually entitle me to anything above and beyond owning the rights to listen to a few CDs, spin some old Vinyl, pop in a Cassette, watch a couple of videos and see some live shows when my day as a Working Man is over. It's more than that for most fans - the best part are the interpretations, the emotions and feelings I get listening to or viewing the material - we as fans OWN that intellectual stuff, not Rush, heh-heh. I don't deny that I have and enjoy items that are not licenced as such, that would be stupid. It's not a whole lot, that's for sure.

The one thing I really CAN claim and choose to be vain and cocky about is the fame from this website. It's gone from virtually nothing to one of the most-viewed Rush fan sites on the web. Read the fan testimonials. Check out the entire site and tell me where else you can find the things I have created. So I allow myself to let my head get as big as a watermellon in regards to the website. Lead me to a bigger Show of Hands, and I'll stand corrected. I could bore you with the numbers, but with over 1,500 files serving up over 5 million kilobytes of information and several hundred thousand files per month go ahead and try to beat it. It feels like One Little Victory in life where I have been unequivically successful beyond almost anything I have done, and the internal satisfaction of self-publishing all this information and having it viewed by hundreds of thousands of people is awesome. Rush are entertainers, and I like to think that way about my website and my writing. And now my drum beating stops or changes the beat, but my heart keeps getting put into it night after night. I wonder if that would sound familiar to the bandmembers.

I've never diverted any money away from them (as hard as this has been) probably the opposite. And I have been inconspicuously cautious, intellectually careful and conciously aware about not infringing on their rights, whether it be material, intellectual, personal, whatever. It's been a HUGE challenge. I've probably Rolled the Bones and infringed somewhere along the road, hopefully not too blatently. If I were thinking or acting incorrectly in these regards, then a big voice from the sky (a telephone call or email?) would have told me I was doing something wrong or thinking incorrectly, because both myself and my own Rush creations have climbed the ladder into the Limelight somewhat over the years. And it's not like I'm not on public display myself, where the band or official representatives thereof would have a hard time Finding (Their) Way to me. My electronic footprints are everywhere.

I've not received negative email or feedback about how I provide content and other things on or offline from the band or fans, and I'm rolling with that feeling year after year after year, show after show after show. It just seems to get better and better, evolving in a symbiotic Natural Science or falling into some type of wierd Mystic Rhythm. I think that complicated explanation boils down to the fact that Rush is a hobby for me, and I dig all the things that I make, collect and share with others and the tools I use to meet fans at shows or online in this endeavour. Like building a model airplane, which I enjoyed when I was young. I think that's why so many people say this is a great website. It's not driven by anything other than pure desire. (Hey guys, will you buy me out or give me a monthly stipend already, please?). And having that desire with Echoes of Old Applause from the fans is the ultimate compliment, because the fans know best. Well, most of the time.

I have to admit as an editor, the number of emails, concert reviews (both amateur and professional), the bulletin board discussions, personal opinions, the band's extra-curricular activities and everything else that is in the public domain, the links that fans send me and all types of different information in a hundred different media presentations is difficult to keep up with. I'd like to post more - or all - of it, but alas, I hope I do a decent job getting just a fraction of it up for people to enjoy. Unfortunately, I just can't get it all done fast enough and have to edit to the theme of Echoes of Old Applause under time constraints with doing laundry, running the household and going to work all day. I hope the mix comes out well occasionally.

But when the show is over - whether it be in Minnesota or Iowa after Vapor Trails, after the next CD and tour, after tragedy or time claims it, by personal Circumstances or during a battle with the Centurians on Cygnus (death by green lasers is preferred) - I'll be hearing Echoes of Old Applause for an eternal Afterimage when either I or Rush as I know it Exit, (preferably) Stage Left.